I hope that this is an encouragement to anyone who has pursued a calling God has for you, and are now struggling with the silence of action, wondering if God really called you in the first place.
So as you all know, a few months ago, I gave up my 7-year career in doing commissions to pursue God’s will for my life. It was difficult for me to quit a life of instant security for an unknown calling of God. Here is an update as to what’s been going on in my life and what I’m feeling.
For a while now, I had been growing bitter about the calling. I kept seeing things I needed to buy or wanted to buy for others (because its the holidays and I’m a gift-giver!) and would say “Welp. I COULD afford that if I was doing commissions :-/ ” It wasn’t really in good spirit. I have become very Scrooge-like this holiday because of my extreme lack of money and it has turned me quite bitter. I know this isn’t God’s best for me, and not what He intended to come out of this, but I didn’t know what to do about it.
Well, I finally got off my stubborn butt and began to search in the Word for the answers. And this verse mysteriously began to pop up each time I flipped my various MANY Bibles open, as well as popping up on K-love, Joseph Prince’s message series, and even my church’s sermons ALL IN ONE WEEK: Phil 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Kid you not. It was like. God couldn’t beat me over the head with it enough that week! I would pray before opening the Bible and say “God, give me a verse.” And it would either fall upon that page, or the very words “Philippians 4:6” would come into my head. Prior to that, this year’s verse theme has been “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalms 46:10). And man. Let me tell you what came as a result of this.
I believe in 2012, due to my excessive input in a relationship I was in, I had given up so much of myself that I lost myself. I have changed so much for the worse, and then had revelations that taught me from my mistakes and thusly changed me for the better. In the end, the once very HIGH STRUNG self, the business-driven, hyperbolically intense self-expectation self has been forced into a laid back state due to defeats I have experienced all year. I have learned so much about mellowing out, about relaxing, and most importantly this: It is not up to me to run my life. That is God’s job and desire. My job is to enjoy the life God has freely given to me. My friends, that is grace. It goes against all human logic and society’s expectations, but then again, isn’t that the way our glorious God works?
Many have questioned my decision to quit commissions. Family, friends, clients, and even my pastor has questioned if this was truly God’s will in my life. You know? We can’t ever be 100% certain, but we know this: If you FEEL like God has called you to do something, and you do this with a willing and loving heart as a sacrifice FOR God, then He will NOT overlook that! That’s an expression of faith. What I am doing, whether God had intended to tell me this or not, is my offering to God. I am giving up commissions FOR HIM, and after some kicking and screaming, am doing it WILLFULLY and JOYFULLY for Him! I believe that is pleasing to God, and my faith will be rewarded. My needs are always met! Whether I’m doing this expression of faith or not, because we can’t EARN God’s grace. But quitting commissions is the way I have decided to show my love for God, and I must stick to it, regardless of what the masses say. Many say it’s irresponsible, many are worried for me. I feel like Jesus in the garden of temptation. There’s a lot of wise people and trusted people asking me to reconsider if that’s what God has really told me. A large portion of me wants to be like “okay maybe not. I’ll go back to making mad-money on commissions!” but it doesn’t FEEL right deep in my soul, and THAT is the Holy Spirit talking. So I push proudly and gratefully onwards towards the goal. As Phil 3:13-14 says “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Forgetting what is behind: letting go of the fact that I used to make mad-money. I must strain forward to WIN THE PRIZE that God has called me to! And lastly, James 5:12 “Above all, my brothers, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your “Yes” be yes, and your “No,” no, or you will be condemned.” This verse reminds me to STICK TO MY GUNS about my decision lest I condemn myself by going back on my own word to God.
So do not sit and question what God said before. If you believe it in your heart, then what you are doing is an act of faith. If you don’t believe it anymore, and are forcing yourself to do it just out of principle, you are operating out of the law, not grace. And anything not done in faith is sin (Rom14:23). For further reading on this subject, read Romans 14.